Monday, November 5, 2007


Candidates Struggle with Decision to Participate or Not
Public Supports the “Challenge”

Clive, Iowa (Nov 5., 2007, TBC Exclusive) As a Canadian front passed over this state last night, unusually high winds followed behind it. Much of Iowa was under a strong wind advisor today while the Democratic presidential candidates tried to weather the winds that came out of nowhere yesterday in the form of a mysterious challenge. While the man behind what is being dubbed the “Democratic Candidate's Polygraph Challenge”, remains shielded behind high powered New York law and public relations firms, the candidates themselves suddenly find themselves in an especially awkward position.

Yesterday, each of the campaigns received a set of legal documents which posed the challenge to them to submit to questioning while being polygraphed. The questions will be asked by the mystery man who has vowed to award the first Democratic candidate who passes the lie detector test $2.5 million which the winner can dole out to charities, organizations or nonprofit groups as they see fit.

As the democrats fanned out across the state, none seemed willing to comment directly about the “Challenge”. As Hillary Clinton made an appearance at the Turkey Truckers Association of Iowa, she was pelted by questions from the press and public. She ignored all inquiries regarding whether or not she would accept the “Challenge”.

While evading this question was the tactic of choice for Senators Clinton, Obama and Dodd, the average Iowan expressed enthusiastic endorsements of the concept of having candidates polygraphed. “Heck, it’s a real shame it takes something like this but, shoot, they simply won’t tell the truth otherwise”, lamented Stump Grubberling, a turkey farmer from Newton, Iowa. Most of the citizens attending today’s events were urging all the democratic presidential hopefuls to accept the “Challenge”. “Shouldn’t be a big deal now should it sweetie”?, asked Phyllis Schwackenbokken, a retired mule breeder from Duncombe, Iowa.

Behind the scenes each of the campaigns had operatives here in Iowa, as well as in Washington DC and New York City feverishly trying to determine the identity of the man behind this “Challenge” as well as meeting with party officials on how best to navigate the storm gathering around them. “We have been on this all night and all day. We have some very good intelligence and politically connected insiders and we still don’t know who this guy is”, said Lawrence DuPont, a top advisor to Senator Joe Biden.

The prestigious New York public relations firm, Donahue, Duffy and Dowd, who represents the mystery financier, continued to deflect all attempts at unmasking his identity. Francis McNamara, speaking for the ‘Triple D” PR firm stated, “Our client will make his identity known as soon as one of these candidates steps up and accepts his proposal. Until that time, he will remain anonymous”.

Each of the campaigns internally have been speculating about the identity of the very wealthy man whose proposal has the potential to alter the entire presidential race. One of the many attorneys in the Hillary Clinton camp, who made her comments anonymously noted, “This is a scary situation. Donald Trump might be behind this whole thing or it could be just another fringe element from the vast right-wing conspiracy.”

Ohio Congressman and presidential candidate, Dennis Kucinich thus far, has been the only candidate, in the field of seven, to actually say he will “accept the challenge”. However, his advisors seemed to be backing away from that position today saying that “Dennis meant what he said last night. He will take the lie detector challenge but, he has to know a bit more first”. This statement did indeed put some distance between Mr. Kucinich’s very passionate comments made late last night in the lobby of the Motel 8 in Blotchard, Iowa.

Perhaps the most cautious, circumspect and cryptic comments came from the Barak Obama camp. One of his top media strategists told a local radio show in Hiawatha, Iowa that “The senator is considering all the facets of this complex issue. He is, naturally, intrigued by the notion of answering questions on substantive issue while hooked up to a polygraph machine, he is reluctant to commit before he can commit himself to examine his reluctance”.

At the busy Flying J Truckstop off interstate 80 in Clive, hungry truckers bellied up to the expansive buffet spread as the sun slid into the western horizon. A self described ‘Independent’ voter, driver Doyle Tandunm from Carthage, Missouri said, “I think all them oughta be tarred and feathered. Anyone running for president should have to take not only a lie detector test but should also have to wrassle a rabid grizzly bear”. When further queried about his comments, the moderately obese trucker elaborated that “I learnt what hard times is when I was a POW in Nam. They captured me and connected the battery from a warship to my privates and turnt up the juice. I tolt them nothin’ but my name, rank and serial number. That’s whut i learnt about the damned truth, mister”. Mr. Tandunm seemed to become increasingly agitated and ultimately had to be physically restrained by several of his brother truckers. One of them, a close friend from Carthage said, “Doyle’s a good ole boy. He come home from Nam kinda squirrly. He was a black-ops, sniper-type re-con Marine in the Special Forces assigned to a CIA Seal Team. You can’t talk no politics to him”.

Obviously, the talk about the $2.5 million “Challenge” is just beginning. Shortly, as the public support for this event grows, each of the democratic hopefuls will have to take a stand. If Mr. Tandunm is representative of the public sentiment, than it would be wise for the candidates to make their decisions known sooner rather than later.

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