Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Palin "Ready To Fight"

(Sept. 24, New York, New York) Republican presidential candidate, Senator John McCain has officially announced that he will “temporarily stop“ his campaign efforts to return to Washington DC to participate in the so called financial “bail out “ package. McCain stated that “this is not a time for politics”, noting that any proposed bail out be a bipartisan effort. His opponent, Barak Obama rejects the notion that Friday’s first presidential debate be canceled or postponed because of the financial crisis. “Now more than ever”, Obama said, the American people need to know where we stand.

In an odd twist of irony, the current Wall Street melt down, the financial collapse that has rocked our already fragile economy, was made possible by deregulation legislation supported vigorously by John McCain and his chief economic advisor Phil Gramm and other boneheaded, barely literate, greedy republican senators with a great deal of palm greasing by lobbyists .

The fact that McCain feels the need to suspend his campaign to deal with the economic calamity has raised concerns from republicans, democrats, independents and hockey moms. One McCain operative, speaking anonymously said, “This doesn’t look good. It gives the appearance, sends a message that John McCain can only handle one issue or crisis at a time. That is not a good quality to have in a 72 year old President.” Many other insiders, pundits, commentators, transsexuals, radio talk show hosts, and analysts echoed these sentiments, some, using much stronger language. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, well known for his own incredible lack of intelligence, common sense and dementia noted, “ I frankly don’t know if John can walk and chew gum at the same time. I know it’s tough for me to do but, I’m younger than John.”

With a scant 42 days before the election, the postponement or cancellation of one of the scheduled three presidential debates will create an awkward political climate. The American electorate was just beginning to truly focus on this historically important election and the anticipation surrounding the debates has been growing. Some projections estimated that the debate scheduled for this Friday could draw up to 10,000.000 viewers and that is a conservative estimate. With most national polls showing McCain and Obama locked in a statistical dead heat, the debates are the only remaining opportunities for the candidates to present themselves to a nationwide audience as they stand side by side.

Many political pollsters and professionals such as Stu Rothenberg, George Will, Will Smith, Frank Luntz, Bill Clinton, Wayne Newton, Bono, John Madden, and the Harris Organization agree that the debates must take place as scheduled. Dr. W. Filbert Wackenhacker, Director of Political Science at North Central Eastern State University, an expert on presidential politics commented, “ If McCain cannot debate because he has other things to do, what will he postpone if multiple crisis's arise if he is president? The United States President does not have the luxury of working off a “Things to do Today List”. Frankly, the man knows more about Yahtzee and Monopoly than he does about monetary, financial or economic policy. That scars the bejeezus out of me.”

The well respected presidential historian and author Dolores Kearns Goodwin observed, “This is a truly remarkable confluence of variables. Not since Calvin Coolidge developed a severe case of flatulence and was unable to debate has such an event been in jeopardy. We all remember how John F. Kennedy won the election basically by making Richard Nixon look like a sweaty, unshaven crook in their famous 1960 debate. In a sense though, the very fact that one of the candidates appears to be trying to get out of a debate is almost as disturbing as when Ross Perot made George H.W. Bush, the incumbent President look like an enormously distracted, bored imbecile in the 1992 debate.” Mrs. Goodwin stopped offering historical points of reference only after she was hit with a taser gun at the request of the interviewer.

While McCain increases his missteps, gaffes and pure lying or lack of short term memory daily, his running mate, Sarah Palin , the Governor of Alaska, is under even greater scrutiny. Her association with a Pastor who believes in witch craft has garnered intense examination in the last two days as has her propensity to shoot innocent, wild animals, pose with high powered rifles wearing a bikini and her ability to speak in “tongues.” She has also mentioned that her children just “love it when I make polar bear tongue soup. They like it almost as much as elk ass pie.”

When questioned by Katie Couric of CBS News, about what John McCain has done during his 26 years in Congress regarding regulatory oversight and financial institution reform , she answered, “I’ll find out and get back to you.” She then quickly changed the subject to foreign policy firmly stating, “Some of the moose I have shot came over from Russia. I watched the History Channel a few times and later today, I’m going to have my picture taken with all sorts of world type leaders from all over the world who come from all over the world to come to the United Nations. I haven’t been this excited since they took caribous off the endangered species list. Nothing like shooting a caribou with a high powered rifle, then slitting its throat. I bet Joe Biden couldn’t do that and he has probably never even seen a Russia moose.” Palin also offered to wrestle Michelle Obama “anytime, any where, no holds barred. I’d beat her like a rabid gray wolf.” As an alternative she challenged Mrs. Obama to a Wet T-Shirt Contest while riding dog sleds. The Obama campaign has yet to respond to these generous offers. CBS News insiders reported that Ms. Couric took several Pamprins, drank some vodka and vomited violently during the commercial break.

As of this writing, this all important, highly anticipated presidential race that has consumed much of the past two years and comes at an extremely critical time in American history, may actually be over shadowed as our staggering American economy dissolves into a full blown depression with soaring inflation, a devalued currency like an iceberg floating through the Everglades.

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